Frankly, my dear...

Sometimes I feel insubstantial.  I moan, cry, and occasionally throw myself on the floor to add some drama.  I don't mean insubstantial in the sense that nobody loves me or that I don't mean anything to anybody, because I know that's not true.  I have family and friends who I know I am important to, as they are to me.  I mean insubstantial in the sense that nothing important seems to happen to me.  My friends seem to live lives worth sharing.  They are exciting, they go places, they have pets, they DO stuff.  And sometimes I fall into the pit of despair that makes me feel my life is not nearly as important as theirs.  They have stories to tell, I have a whole lot of the same.  I usually don't see the pit before I fall into it.  But as soon as I start falling, there I go.

Recently I was deep in the pit, wailing to my husband about the fact that I am 24, working a regular job, not doing much of anything important.  This included tears, sniffling, and me being sprawled out on the bed in my granny panties, big fuzzy socks, and baggy pajamas.  Not exactly a good way to feel like a young, vibrant, twenty-four-year-old with a lifetime full of excitement ahead of her.  So, as I was moaning about this to my husband for the second day in a row about how NOTHING happens to me, in the throes of despair, he turned to me, and in his own gentle way, said to me "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."  Now, those weren't his exact words, but he was essentially telling me to get over it, or do something about it, because my feelings were what was insubstantial.

And he was right.  Mourning my life at 5 pm wasn't solving anything.  One of the wonderful things about my husband is that he sees more in me than I see in myself.  He sees all of the things that I have accomplished, my hobbies, my amazement at our whistling tea kettle, and my love of dancing in socks on the kitchen tile, as being important and exciting.  In fact, things DO happen to me.  I just wasn't paying attention.  There is excitement in every little moment, but sometimes you just have to let yourself feel the excitement instead of expecting it to move you.

So, my solution is this: a blog.  Maybe the only reason my friends lives seem so much more exciting is the fact that they tell me about these things that they do.  Maybe I just need to SAY the things that are happening in my life, list them out, and then I will realize that there's more there than I realize.  I'm on the lookout for the memories that we make, the excitement in the little things, and all the adventure in between.