He's Leaving

Lately I have been obsessed with military wife blogs.  I spend my lunch breaks, evenings, and any extra minute I have reading other women (haven't found any military husband's out there in the blogosphere yet) discuss what it's like to be married to a man in the military.  Mostly their blogs are about regular life, because the military doesn't really interfere with your life... unless it is interfering with your life.  Our lives are (for the most part) normal except for when there is a deployment or change of station happening or about to happen.  And those two things aren't happening every day, so the military presence in our daily lives is fairly minimal.  Which leaves me only one reason to really devour their blogs... the dreaded D word: deployment.

I have been poring over their blogs looking for anything I can find about their husbands deploying.  Pre-deployment worries, worries during their deployment, homecoming worries, and getting back to normal life worries.  And I've found that most women seem to worry about the same things: What will I do while he's gone?  What will be different about daily life?  Will he be safe?  When will we get to talk?  These are questions that all cross my mind daily.  I worry about his safety and comfort.  I wonder how I will handle the additional responsibilities that are normally his, like making sure the bills are paid.  I think I'll be depressed.  I know I will become more independent.

And then there are the ridiculous things that make me sad, like when we see a movie trailer and get really excited to see it together, only to find out it comes out while he's gone... and I can't see it without him!  Or the fact that he's leaving so soon, I almost can't count the time in months anymore.  I'm going to have to start counting the time we have left in weeks.  And then I inevitably think about the fact that it will soon be a matter of days... then hours... and minutes we have left together.  And what about all of the goofy little things we do, like asking each other one random question every night?  Are we going to forget those little things?  Who will tell me to "Drive safe!" every morning when I leave the house?

Most of the other military wives' blogs that I've been reading express the same feelings pre-deployment: anxiety, sadness, nerves, and uncertainty.  The thing is, no matter how many questions I ask of other wives/girlfriends and no matter how many blogs I read, there's only so much I can do to prepare for the fact that my love is going to the other side of the world where an unpredictable war is happening.  I have so many questions, and all of them will be answered in time.  He just has to leave in order for me to get the answers.