Flowers

On Friday this pretty purple box showed up with my name on it:

And inside were TWO DOZEN ROSES.

And I'm glad I took that first photo of the roses with the vase they came in... because about two minutes later I accidentally knocked it over and my pretty vase shattered.  The roses are now happily resting in this vase:

But at least I still have the gorgeous flowers.  I'm a pretty lucky girl.

Air Force Love

I have encountered many a terrible Commander in my Air Force history as both an Airman and the spouse of an Airman.  Not to cast a shadow over all of the good leaders myself (or K) have had, but mostly they have left a certain bitter taste that makes me expect them to be uncaring and unreachable to their Airmen and spouses.  But yesterday, K's Commander did something which reminded me that even though I have had some bad experiences, there are leaders in our military that genuinely care about their troops and their families.  He reminded me that they are people too, and that they can show concern over the well-being of those they are charged to lead.

What did he do?  He sent me a handwritten letter regarding K's deployment, and I would like to share it with you:

S-

   Thank you for the sacrifice you & K are making for the Air Force and for our country.  I know it is not easy to send a loved one so far away, especially when they could potentially be placed in harm's way.  Please know K is well-trained & well-equipped to handle his duties while deployed, and, even though it may not seem that way now, he will be back home soon.  I know you are very proud of K, as am I.  If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to call me.

                                                                                                                   -Lt. Col. S.W.

As simple as it was, the fact that he even took the time out of his day to write this meant so much to me I actually had to read it a few times to savor the gratitude I felt.  I read the note to K that night while we were video-chatting and he felt the same way.  He commented that it was pretty extraordinary for his Commander to do that, considering he wasn't even sure his Commander knows who he is (and certainly doesn't know me).  

I've found it to be much more of a challenge to be a military spouse than I had anticipated, but I am so glad to know that there are members of our military leadership that take us spouses into consideration.  I wouldn't say the bitter taste is gone, but it has remarkably improved.

Two Weeks

Sometimes I think:  "Wow, it's been two weeks!"

And sometimes I think:  "Wow... it's been two weeks."

Can you tell the difference?  No.  That's ok.

One Week Down...

...and it feels like a small victory.  K has been gone for 1 week, as of today.  Sometimes it seems much longer, sometimes it seems like no time has passed.  It's been a lot of changes, a lot of transition, and I've been all over the place emotionally, so I thought I would share some of my thoughts after making it through one week of this deployment:

I am relieved that one week is over.  I have been told that the first and final weeks are the hardest.

I cry a lot less, sometimes I make it a whole day without a single tear!

I have found that I feel disconnected.  My mind is 6 months in the future, when K will be on his way home, but my body is stuck in the present.  This feeling is subsiding, but my mind seems to have trouble reconciling the fact that I still have to endure all of the "now" before I can get to the "later".

I am happy that K finally made it to Iraq after days and days of traveling.  I mentioned this on my Facebook page, but the journey is so unorganized, it seems like he had to go to the moon before he could go to Iraq.  We got to video chat after he finally made it to his destination, and I could see the exhaustion in his face.  Poor guy.  At least he's settling in now.

I'm getting used to being around my family a lot.  I haven't spent this much time with them in awhile, so it's taking some adjusting.  Also, the fact that I am in their home and not mine has been a transition.  It means less privacy, more noise, and having to remember to shut my door so that the cats don't take naps on my pillow (I seem to have developed some allergies).

It feels weird to be back in my hometown.  I am constantly running into people I know... old neighbors, people from high school.  Las Vegas was such a big city and we lived in our own little corner so I rarely ran into people I knew, but it seems to happen here every time I leave the house.

I miss my husband terribly, but I am so grateful for iChat and Skype.  I get to see him every now and then, and being able to see him let's me know that he's still real and he's okay.

One final thought: I am very thankful for all of your calls, comments, texts and messages over the past week.  The support that you have given K for what he's doing, and to me during this difficult transition, means the world to both of us.  Thank you!!!

Goodbyes and New Beginnings

It's been awhile since I've been able to post anything, but a lot has happened in the last month.  I left my job  and had my wisdom teeth removed.  Our apartment was packed up and taken away to storage and we left Las Vegas.  We went to Magic Mountain and San Luis Obispo on a mini-roadtrip.  I moved back in with my parents.  And yesterday I said goodbye to K.  That last one is the big one, but I'll get to it in a minute.

First, I'll say that it is amazing what two professional movers can do in the span of 6 hours.  Our apartment went from this...

To this...

 And into those crates...

in SIX HOURS.  It was like magic.  And I felt like a complete jerk watching them lug all of our stuff into boxes and up/down a flight of stairs and I wasn't allowed (for insurance reasons, not because I didn't offer) to lift a finger all day.  (But we did buy them lunch, so that counts for something, right?)

After we said goodbye to our little home, took a very scenic route to Northern California, and spent a week visiting family and friends, the dreaded day came where I had to say goodbye to K.  Yesterday afternoon we went to breakfast and then I took him to the airport.  It was emotional and awful, and every bad thing that I knew it would be.  There were tears and snot, and me unwilling to let go of him.  But as much as I begged the clock to stop ticking, the time came and he had to go.  You'd think that the fact that we were long-distance for 5 years and have said "See ya later" to each other in airports countless times before this would have made me a pro at these goodbyes... it didn't.  It never gets easier, and this one is so different from all of the other times we've had to leave each other.  K respectfully asked that after we said goodbye I "charge on" and leave the airport so that I wouldn't be standing alone, crying in an airport.  I did as he asked, but mostly I was just crying as I walked alone in an airport.

Now it's the next day, and I seemed to have survived my first full day without him.  Right now I am feeling disconnected and fragile.  I'm not quite ready to be around anyone and have been avoiding my family.  It's nothing personal, I'm just not ready to talk, and it's difficult when I cry at the drop of a hat.  

K has been in Vegas staying with a friend, and tomorrow he begins the real journey.  We have a sort of rough itinerary of how he'll get to Iraq, but no clue when/how long he will be stopping at any given location.  I am angry that I can't just know where he'll be and when and that this whole process feels so unorganized.  (Actually, it IS unorganized.)  I've been trying to comfort myself with the thought that at least we've actually made it to this point, instead of living with it over our heads.  We're here, we're doing this, and the sooner it gets going, the sooner it can be over.

My Baby Sister

A few days ago my little sister complained that I wasn't blogging often enough for her liking.  In her 14-year-old, typically dramatic fashion, she told me that she had nothing to look forward to in life if I wasn't putting up a new blog for her to read everyday.

My solution for her problem was to write a blog ALL ABOUT HER.  Happy now, R??

This is my little sister.  We'll call her 'R'.  She is a typical teenager... dramatic, annoying, frantic, entertaining, crazy, and impossible to keep up with.

She has a Russian alter ego named Natasha that is a little bit promiscuous and always makes us laugh.  And she makes ridiculous faces:

She also loves her horses and is a great rider.

When she was born, I remember being picked up from school and being so upset that I had to miss computer class.  (In my defense, we only had that class once a week, so when I had to leave to go to the stupid hospital, you can understand why I already didn't like her.)  When she was about a month old, my parents left me at home with her for about an hour.  Being that I was in charge, I took it upon myself to put her up for adoption.  I wrote out an adoption certificate listing all of her physical attributes and other redeeming qualities and took a photo of her with it.  I'm not sure what I was going to do with the photo, but I figured it was the first step in getting rid of her.  My parents ended up coming home before I got very far with my plan, and I've been stuck with her ever since.  But I guess she turned out alright...

All kidding aside, she is becoming an amazing young woman, and a great friend to me.  She has always loved me unconditionally and knowing that she looks up to me means a lot.  So despite all of her antics, I guess it's a good thing that I didn't carry out my plan to get rid of her.

I am unemployed.

Wednesday was my last day at my job.  After talking things over with K and my family, I decided that I would leave my job and move back home while K is "playing in the sand".  We're quickly approaching our last day in Vegas, and now that I'm done working, everything seems to be happening very quickly.

Anyway... for those of you that don't know, I was working for a car rental company as an assistant to one of the managers.  I worked in the Maintenance department and to quickly sum up my job, I handled all of the damage claims for ALL of our vehicles... about 5,000+ of them.  So, every time you crazy tourists came to Vegas and rented one of our cars and brought it back in less than ideal condition, I dealt with it.  This may not sound very fun, but the truth is, I saw some pretty weird accident reports.  As a last goodbye to my job, I thought I would share a few of the more memorable accidents with you.  Here they are, in no particular order:

1)  A vehicle was returned to us with the front passenger window shattered, and a giant rock sitting in the front seat.  The customer wrote on their accident description "I was driving when a rock flew off the hill through the window and it broke my arm."  Okaaaaay.

2)  One customer thought they could pull one over on us by painting over the damage they did to our vehicle... with a different color paint.  Sorry dude, we aren't all colorblind.

3)  A vehicle was towed back to our lot in pretty bad shape.  The entire front left and rear left of the vehicle were smashed in.  The lady who rented the car told us that she swerved to avoid a cow... and ended up hitting it... twice.  (And there was hair stuck to the car... yuck!)

4)  Another vehicle was towed into the lot completely wrecked.  It had rolled a few times, and the lady who rented it ended up in the hospital.  We heard that she would be alright, but she was definitely confused about what happened in the accident.  She was very adamant that she was side-swiped by an 18-wheeler and pushed over a cliff/hill.  Well, after further investigation (and the official police report), it was determined she was in a single-car accident.  There was no one else around... no other vehicle, and certainly not an 18-wheeler.

5)  Some of the simplest accident descriptions really are the best.  Here are two that really summed up what happened:  a) "I fell asleep.  And hit a wall."  and b) "I was driving on the road and then smack."  It doesn't get any simpler than those.

Overall, it was definitely one of my favorite jobs that I've ever held.  I had an awesome boss who I got along with really well, and my own little office which was kind of amazing.  I'm going to miss it, but it's time to move on to new adventures!